2008 Darwin Awards

Ace · 07-10-2008, 04:35 PM

Eighth Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
Water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate
To retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned' when he
Ran, accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for
Protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the
Bottom! When it t collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.
People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out
But could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment
Almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a
Bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long
Flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed
Into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends
Who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his
Mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front
Door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the
Store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was
Standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber
Announced a hold-up!, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers
Also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the
Scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended
Cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot
Wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one
Else was hurt.

HONORABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around
At 2 A.M. So they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the
Window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the
Window was closed.

RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them
Said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in
The middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least
10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon
Arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had
Brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered
And pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable, lay near by. They secured one
End around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted
40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. &NB sp;He
Miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two
Nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS...
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn, Germany) fed his
Constipa ted elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
Bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm
Finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting
To give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast
Unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation
Knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock
As the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.
It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves.. 'S... Happens''s

IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING
THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL.

**Snowolf** · 07-10-2008, 04:46 PM

lmfao i read each one

Armagedd0nn · 07-10-2008, 05:01 PM

Haha, some people are so stupid. Like the dude who got his foot tore off.

**Blu M0nky** · 07-10-2008, 10:09 PM

LOL

Third place...was the store full of cops? Or was the store in Texas? 7 people shot him?

**Blu M0nky** · 07-10-2008, 10:11 PM

Ace lies. These were for the year 2000

Darwin Awards 2000

Bitey · 07-10-2008, 10:15 PM

lol I forgot about that site. Oh man there is some dumb people. I liked the dynamite one.

Ace · 07-10-2008, 10:59 PM

I unno I just got it in an e-mail and copy and pasted figured you guys would like it.

SasquatchSamuri · 07-11-2008, 09:19 AM

The robber was pronounced dead at the
Scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended
Cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot
Wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one
Else was hurt.

OMG thats crazy noone else got shot. lol

Random Turnip · 07-11-2008, 11:37 AM

lol, only in america.

the last one made me feel sick, i am eating sandwhiches with french mustard on.

i feel the most sorry for the only one who survived funnily enough, he lost his foot!

esco · 07-31-2008, 05:15 AM

I wonder what the guy in 4th place would have won from the bet if he hadn't died.

Near · 08-06-2008, 06:37 PM

"Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around
At 2 A.M. So they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the
Window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the
Window was closed.""

That sounds like the most fun couple ever...I can't imagine anything being boring while they were around.

"GUYS! Lets go light the cat on fire!""

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